Faith
Dear Kevin,
Some people get it. I pray for those who don’t. I pray harder for those who have no one to pray for them.
I usually don’t need to understand why or what God has given to me I usually just need to trust that He understands my needs and wants better than I do. I pray in complete sentences and explain things to God so He can see what I am envisioning. I am coming into the belief that God’s desire is for us to be involved in His plan for our lives. This is the latest form of prayer that I am offering to God. This began around August 11th when my brother and I discussed the importance of both words, ASK and TRUST.
If it is God’ s will that Catie be cured she will be cured. That is where I was at first (June 17-29). Then I was firmly fixed that I, through my prayers and faith could just change God’s mind. I was going to be the woman in the Gospel who reached out and touched the hem of Jesus’ garment. It was June 30th – July 20th when I was thinking this. Then I went through another phase, the phase of trust. I didn’t need to ask God for anything specific for Catie because God had a handle on things and all I needed to do was trust. This took place between July 21st and August 10th.
I love to see the change, growth and dimensions of my spiritual life. I always yearn to grow closer to Kevin to make things better. Yet with God I am more accepting. I have a difficult time asking for anything. I almost feel that if I ask for more or different things I would appear ungrateful for what I have been given and I am so blessed. My husband is amazing – expressive, articulate, intelligent, tall, dark and handsome, he is kind and generous, strong and gentle and he thinks (knows) he received the better gift. What more could anyone want? My family is beautiful and fun and faithfilled and healthy (for the most part). Maybe that is what God wants…do you think it is possible that God wants me to say this is not OK? I try to see the blessing in everything. I always try to see the good; if I can’t see something, I just look harder until something dawns on me. Do you think God is wondering if I will ever say please stop this is too much? I believe in the saying “God will never give us more than we can handle”. But I also believe that we can handle it because God will be there to handle it with us – together with God we can do anything.
Dear God, is that it? Do you want me to tell you that I believe that with Your help I know we can beat this cancer that Catie has and that with Your help there will be no side effects from the treatment? Do you want to know that I believe with all of my heart that there is so much good that is coming out of this time of trial, this cross that Catie is carrying – that I wish I could be Simon and help Catie and yet I am honored to be the mother of this amazing child. That I am honored that you love us so much that you will allow, lovingly allow – not in any negative way – Catie and I (and all our family) to share in Christ’s suffering. In our sharing of His suffering will it in any way lessen the pain that Christ felt? Or will it simply allow us to understand more fully how precious we are to you Father?
Please Dear God, save my baby. Protect her. I will do my best to comfort her and teach her though this trial about You and Your love for us and about Your Son and His love for us. I will teach her that You were created and grew through the Joyful and Luminous Mysteries and the You suffered through the Sorrowful Mysteries all so that You could triumph through the Glorious Mysteries.
Please allow MaryCatherine to live through this cancer and come back to our family; all together under one roof in glory and with a deeper understanding of Your love for us. Please Dear God. Please save my baby. Please protect her and make her whole. Return her to us completely healed. God you have the power to do anything. You created us to love us and to love you in return and to love one another. Please God, please allow us the opportunity to love Catie and watch her grow and allow us the privlege of seeing her grow in to a woman and to fall in total love with a man and join him in a sacramental bond and have children and raise them to love You and desire to serve You in others. Please God allow her the opportunity to hear your voice and understand your will for her life. Please God allow all the faithfull that are praying together for Catie to witness your power and your compassion for all of us by Your saving our daughter. You gave her to us. Please let us keep her now and until You have made known Your will to us. I trust you and I believe in you. I love you and I will follow you where you lead me. Thank you God for always listening to me.
Kevin this is where my prayers are. If you were with me last night, I would have awakened you and talked to you about this, but we are not together, so I let you sleep.
I love you.
Christine
PS – The guestbook is now available on Catie’s website, so please visit and leave her a message.
