Eyes of Faith – Eyes of God
Why do we see what we see? We see color. We see things and people. We, most of us, can’t draw but we think we can see. I was an art major in college. My first day of class Professor Armstrong blindfolded me and told me to continue to draw the still life that I had been working on for over an hour. I told him I couldn’t see it. He told me that I couldn’t see the still life when I was looking at it. He explained that we draw what we think we see but then he pointed out all of the actual lines that I had drawn and said the God put no lines on an apple or a pear. I felt blind. I am drawing something sitting before me and yet I can’t see it. When I was looking at it I couldn’t see it either. What did I do? I changed majors, adding a business degree.
Today I am still blind. I offer that we are all blind, in many ways, to what God sees. I pray to see in myself what God sees. Trust me I was shocked to see myself on TV. When did I become a middle aged woman? Kevin, did it happen so gradually over the past 12 years that I didn’t notice. I still feel like I did when I was 30. I still feel full of energy and ideas. When I think about it I notice that I do have more confidence – not that I was lacking in that department before. But I didn’t see the change occurring and I was shocked.I am also blind to other things. I am blind to see in my home what is truly important – the people, not the things. I pray to notice the moments that will change. Those moments that happen just once and are gone. That is the reason that I chose to stay at home as a mother. I wanted to see and remember the little things that occur in our children’s lives. How can I remember those things if I don’t see them? If I am here and not present in the lives of our children and miss the precious and yet fleeting moments – why am I here? Children don’t need a clean house. They don’t need clean clothes. They need love and time. M.E. is our last. I gave everything I had to give her life. She is growing up and learning to use the bathroom. Yesterday, I sat in the bathroom with her waiting and listening and seeing her and not the fingerprints on the wall – those fingerprints will be there. Those fingerprints will stay there until someone decides that they are more important than something else. Yesterday, I saw M.E. and hopefully that memory will keep me going while I am away from her. She is so darling, so filled with joy. I want nothing more then to feel her in my arms and watch her face as she discovers this world. While I am gone watch her for me – please!
I want to see that at night, these blessed days, Kevin is in the same: State – Pennsylvania; the same house – ours; and the same room – the family room. Last night I noticed the mountain of laundry that was piled in baskets and piles all over the family room and not Kevin. I saw the wrong thing. I gave into that which won’t change and not the moment that will change – in less than two weeks. What will we do? Well last night we yelled, cried, folded laundry and at 2 am went to sleep in each others arms. A night that began great and fell apart, ended wonderfully. We were together. We saw each other – even with the lights out. We were present to and for each other.
This is our life; some days we see everything. Somedays we see nothing and get it all wrong. Somedays we see some things and not others getting some things wrong. Somedays we are blessed and see everything and everyone and we get it all right. Each day is different. I have been telling many of you that I have the cleanest eyes in PA – due to all of my crying. Even clean eyes can be blind.
I pray that each of you see the blessing in your day today. I pray that you are blind to only the frustrations, hurts and sorrows in your life and that you are not blind to anyone important. Sight is a gift from Our Father. Seeing is our thank you back to Him.
God Bless,
Christine
In two weeks, all of the laundry will be done and there will be no fingerprints, but more importantly there will be no room for me to share with Kevin, my love. I will be alone with Catie in
PS – Check out the new picture of Catie and Dr. Iantosca, the surgeon who with God’s help delivered the first of many miracles along this journey.
