The Meaning of Time
Hello all and thank you for joining us. Your continued support, love and especially prayers is something we have come to depend on and on some days it is the lone bright spot. I write this update tonight to share my perspective of “Day +8” of Round 1, because while none of us including me can fully experience all that Catie or Christine go through in a given day, the emotions that arise from the experiences are ones we have all felt and through those emotions, we come to share in their day. Have you ever said to the person you love, “you just don’t understand!” I have said it and heard it, and have even been so bold as to utter those words to God. How could He understand the trivial irritations and frustrations and the petty annoyances of my day. How could He possibly understand what it feels like to have someone waste your time when He gets to exist outside of time. Sometimes I think I allow myself to limit God’s infinite ability to understand what I am going through because I want to wallow in it. If I share it with Him, if I share it at all and allow the God and the human beings who love me to share in my frustrations then I lose the ability to hold on to those frustrations.
Today, while Catie and Christine were going through “Day +8” which I will do my best to recount shortly, I was catching up on work and one of the tasks of the day involved making a number of difficult staffing decisions that might result in some people that I am committed to leading being laid off. As a struggling disciple of Jesus who desires to lead as He did, in servanthood, such decisions, while necessary are difficult. Three times as Christine’s day was unraveling, I was unavailable to her as I was working through my own frustrations. Have you ever noticed that there are some days when you end up playing “you think your day was bad, wait until you hear about mine” with the one you love. How easy it is for me to fall prey to such pettiness. I remember well the story of Jesus who when he met the weeping women on the road to Calvary stopped and yelled at them to buck up, it could be worse, you could be carrying a cross. Or maybe not. His example was to focus not on what He was going through, but to focus on their suffering and offer comfort.
That is what you who have joined us on this journey have done. I am not naïve, I know that many of the people who receive these prayers we offer have crosses to bear that would be far heavier to carry than is mine. I know that there have been many days in the midst of this story that have been filled with an inordinate level of joy, not sadness, of hope, not despair, and most of all, of love. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the woman I love and the child that inspires me carry a singular burden and do so with grace and dignity that fill me with pride and awe.
“Day +8” was supposed to be a day with few appointments which were to be completed by 1pm and would allow Catie and Christine a free afternoon to take advantage of Catie’s slowly recovering appetite and the beautiful weather. The last appointment of the day commenced at 12:15 and was to conclude 45 minutes later. At 5pm, the appointment ended, Catie had not eaten lunch and was in danger of losing interest in dinner and was 700 calories short of the magic number that is supposed to keep her weight steady, yet she continues to lose pounds day after day. Time has little meaning in the “Medicine Room”, and while sitting there last week, I noticed that many of the parents has achieved a state of comatose nonchalance that allowed them to remain inured to the passing time. Others pace like nervous cats waiting for the last drop of medicine or blood to be infused so that they can get out of there. The apparent lack of efficiency is enough to drive some people crazy. For example, Catie’s blood levels are drawn in one area and dependent upon the results, she may need red blood cells or platelets by way of a transfusion. Regardless, she will need a daily infusion of Neupogen. Efficiency dictates that she get the Neupogen while she is awaiting the results to save time. Saving time does not seem to be a primary driver. Saving lives is a driver, and for that we are continually grateful, but efficiency would be nice as well. Not because Catie has a bustling social calendar, she is still at “0” on her white blood cell count and is relegated to the hospital and Target House, but because her diet requires small continuous meals and sitting in a chair in the Medicine Room for 4 hours leaves a big hole in the food intake plan.
Maggie arrives tomorrow afternoon and if all goes well, Catie will be out of the Medicine Room and tomorrow’s appointments in time to meet her and Cariie, our dear friend who is flying her down. The fab 4 and I will be getting a few things done around the house and will try to have some fun as well. We continue to be thrilled with Catie’s continued health as she has yet to have a fever in round 1 and for that we thank you all who continue to storm heaven on her behalf. We pray that each of you that receive this prayer know that we hold you up in our prayers every day. Please continue to share what you are carrying so that we can fulfill our mission to minister to you as well. May you know the healing and peaceful presence of God in your day today and always and until we meet again.
Love and God bless,
Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Catie, Mia, Molly, and M.E.
PS – Check out the great new notes in Catie’s guestbook on the website from her classmates (www.catiesstory.com)
