Happy 25th Birthday, Catie!
Catie,
There are days when you are so present to me that I just expect to turn around and see you. Mom expects that you have continued to age and that when she sees you in heaven you will be a beautiful young woman in your twenties. I still picture you as my little girl and on those days when you feel so close, it is the little seven-year-old who just had her ponytail cut off at Ginny’s as you prepared for treatment who I hope to see. I want to turn around, pick you up in my arms and spin you until you giggle. I want to crush you in a hug and never let you go again. No matter how close you feel to me, no matter how many times I turn around in hopeful anticipation, you are still never there. There may be a ladybug or a butterfly, but never my little Catie. And yet there are other days when I do not feel your presence at all; those days are worse. I will take the closeness and the resulting disappointment every time.
Each of us has the opportunity to tell your story. Your mom and I, your brother and sisters, and everyone reading this letter, think about you, share about you, honor you with their thoughts and words. We all also have the opportunity to keep your memory alive as we see pictures, recall events, mark anniversaries of special occasions. For me though, your memory comes alive most often when I encounter other kids and other families who experience journeys similar to yours. I take to heart your challenge to think about, pray about, and positively impact the journeys of the “next kid and the next family.” I met one of those “next kids” this past weekend. His name is Caleb. He had the same tumor that you had and was diagnosed when he was three years old. Next week, he will celebrate his twelfth birthday. Caleb loves to cook, he loves to play, and Caleb is not only alive but thriving. He is alive because you blazed the trail that he then walked. I met another family this year as well. Monroe’s family did not get the ending to their journey that they hoped for and as I stood at her celebration of life as her favorite music played in the background, all I could think of was that as far as we have come in the last seventeen years since we had to say goodbye to you, we still have a long way to go. And so, we continue your mission.
Mom and I just returned from St. Joseph’s school where they are getting ready for their Dance-a-Thon to support Catie’s (Your) Wish and we had the chance to share your story with the whole school in the gym. When we left, mom told me that my message to the kids was “kind of grim.” Perhaps the beginning of this letter is as well. My apologies; I never want to share anything about you that doesn’t highlight your smile, your hopefulness, your joy. As I am about to share with you how amazing your mom, your sisters, and your brother are and what they have been up to in the last year, I’ll stop writing and those that are reading this can stop for a moment as well and think about what you are doing right now. In the words of one of your favorite songs, “I can only imagine” what you are doing, how you are spending the timelessness of your existence, the things you are seeing, the experiences you are having, the absolute joy you are feeling.
Back here, mom seems to love her job of teaching effective and compassionate communication to social workers and when she is not working, she toils in the gardens and at the sewing machine; delighting her and those who see the work of her hands. Maggie bought a house! She continues her vocation as a nurse and every patient and family she serves is blessed. Max steamed into harm’s way to serve all of us way too many times in the last year but was thankfully in port in February so that mom and I could visit him and hold him in our arms. God willing, he will be in Newport by June teaching at the SWO School.
Mia is at Temple working towards her Masters in Biology and is more at peace than I have seen her in years. Molly graduates this spring and we are hopeful that by the time this letter arrives in people’s mailboxes she has received great news about the job she seeks. M.E. has been accepted into the Exercise Science Program, is playing Rugby and Lacrosse this spring and now has her cat with her at school. I am so proud of all of them, so happy for all of them and as you know, I pray to you for each of them every day, not only that they find a measure of happiness here, but that they long for the happiness that awaits them when they are reunited with you.
I love you my sweet Catie, I thank you for every time you share a moment with me and I look forward to every ladybug I see until that day when I see you as you are.
God is good, all the time,
Dad
