News & Events

My darling Catie,

I can remember the first time I saw you.  You were preciously pink and chubby – huge for one of our babies – and you had that great baby smell!!  You didn’t cry like most newborns but rather slept peacefully in my arms.  When we brought you home I was amazed at how you instantly shrunk in comparison to your two year old brother, Max, and three year old sister, Maggie.  Instead of watching you in awe we immediately needed to protect you from them.  However, they like us were drawn to you.  They wanted to hold you and watch you but we kept them at a safe distance.

One day you were asleep in your car seat safely on a chair away from them and you made a noise.  It was a yawn or a grunt; nothing that required immediate attention and yet Max ran toward you.  He reached you before he could be stopped and in a flash climbed up the chair and into your car seat.  Once there he knew what was wrong and gave you back your pacifier which had fallen out of your mouth as you slept.  You instantly snuggled back down to sleep sucking away on the pacifier and Max jumped down thrilled that he had helped you.  While I wanted to correct him for 1) climbing on the chair, 2) touching you without washing his hands, (and there must have been more points); I saw his face.  He was so proud and in love with you that I knew he would never hurt you or allow anyone else to hurt you.

As you grew so did my love for you.  You were so independent.  You would play alone watching and copying Max and Maggie.  They would play with you or show you how things worked but you were happy on your own.  Each day, what you most loved was your naptime.  I would carry you upstairs, change you, read Miss Moppet to you – you loved when “the cat jumped upon the mouse” and then we would pray, eventually you would be able say “Gob Bess Cadee”. 

I miss you and yet I know that you are near.  This spring M.E. explained to me why you visit me as a ladybug or a butterfly but why you cannot come back to visit as yourself.  She told me that if you came back, I would never let you go – just like Mary Magdala with Jesus in the garden the morning of the Resurrection “Jesus said to her, “Stop holding me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father.   But go to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” (John 20:17) Why is it that the young have so much wisdom?  Do their innocent lives seem like a constant prayer to God?  Is all their awe and wonder and their unending conversation, when no one is listening, really a conversation with God?

I am not alone in missing you.  We all miss you.  For all of us there are still days that the pain of missing you is overwhelming.  There are days when the number of children that we follow on caringbridge sites becomes too much.  That happened this summer and so I stopped reading and writing but I did not stop praying for a cure.  The e-mail that was created for me while you were sick at St. Jude, I simply did not open for five months;  I opened it this Friday.  There were 5,000 updates from families that we know of with children who have been touched by cancer.  I read several of them and the wind was immediately taken out of my sails.  The line written by one mother about her son repeated itself over and over in my mind.  “You were born with this and it – one cell – lay dormant in your body until one day when your life and our lives were changed forever.”  This mother’s son is alive.  He has battled cancer for years.  He has gone into remission and survived two relapses.  He is still fighting.

As I was reading this at home, Maggie was alone at high school listening to a presentation about the Four Diamonds Fund – a fund that raises money and awareness for pediatric cancer care and research here in the state of PA.  She was listening to this family talk about their son and his cancer.  Maggie was blown away as she listened to his mother talk about the strides they have taken with ALL (acute lymphoblastic leukemia) the most common form of childhood cancer.  The mother continued to talk about how her son’s treatment began within 24 hours of his diagnosis.  She continued to talk about all the research that is being done.  That hit Maggie like a ton of bricks – Catie’s cancer was so rare there will never be suitable research completed for it and therefore a cure is far from being found.  What is a 14 year old supposed to do with that information?  Pray.

The Fab 5 – Swimmers

Last night as I sat on the couch alone in my bedroom crying and sad, listening to everyone eating dinner and not really chatting or having a good time – probably because no one knew why I left the table – I thought back to Catie’s last day downstairs.  She had not been downstairs in a few days but on that Thursday she asked to go downstairs and sit in her favorite chair in the family room.  I would have carried her anywhere or done anything to make her happy – I still would.  I was so hopeful that it was a sign that she was getting better.  I was always looking and sure that the miracle I prayed for was right around the corner.  (In many ways it still is.)  Catie did not want to play or read or listen to music.  She wanted to sit and listen to us enjoying and living life, just like I did last night.   As I sat there, Maggie joined me and she shared what happened at school on Friday.  Eventually everyone came up and joined me.  Catie and all that happened to her and to us is something that we share with each other.  It is something that we all struggle with and something in which we all search for meaning and peace in the pieces and the memories that we have.

Why did I stop reading the updates?  It was too much.  The fab 5 are growing and happy and healthy and they need us.  They need us living in our present not our past.  This decision to stop reading gave us the best summer that we have had as a family since moving to PA – now five years ago.  All the kids did swim team and swam on the same team.  M.E. loved every minute of the experience.  Maggie joining Marching Band for her high school and was a member of the Color Guard. We as a family played basketball most nights (Kevin and Mia vs. Christine, Maggie and Max). 

Maggie – Trinity Color Guard

This summer we made a second trip down to St. Jude.  This trip was initiated by Kevin Mills and his family.  IF you have been with us since the beginning, Kevin is the Elvis Tribute Artist that met Catie in Memphis and turned her into an Elvis fan.  He asked if he could go to St. Jude and give a concert for the kids and staff.  We joined Kevin and his family for the concert.  What a great time!  From St. Jude we drove to South Carolina to visit Grammy and Poppy.  Grammy had just fallen and needed surgery and special care in a rehab facility.  We were charged with making sure the house and Poppy were in good shape. They were.  It was a whirlwind trip and we arrived home three days before Maggie began her high school career at Trinity.

Kevin Mills at St. Jude

Life became ridiculously busy for us with the five kids now in school – and two different schools.  As everyone was adjusting to their new schedules and that includes M.E. in school all day, we were all shocked with the news on September 9^th that Grammy’s heart had stopped.  M.E. took the news the hardest.  She looked at us with eyes filled with tears and said that she never knew you could die without being sick, having a disease or an accident.  For the next several weeks M.E. would not let us out of her sight.  She is doing much better now.

The tribute to the life lived by Grammy, M. Jane O’Brien was beautiful.  She was well loved as she cared for so many; none more than George (Poppy) for more than thirty years.  She is safely home with Catie and that alone gives us great comfort.  Please keep George in your prayers.

Missing someone is simply a sign that you have loved someone, and that is beautiful.  In November we remember all those who have gone before us – those that were young and those that were old, those that died suddenly and those that suffered from a long illness.  We pray for their souls that they may be resting in peace.  We miss them.  We love them.  We pray that one day we will blessed to join them.

MaryCatherine while missing you does not go away – though some days it is easier – we continue to do what you asked us to do.  We continue to pray for a cure, share your story and raise awareness and funding for an end to pediatric cancer. 

I love you with all my heart.  Please keep watch over all of us and bring us safely home to you.

Love,

Mom

PS – The GiveThanksWalk is this Saturday in 90 communities across the country – Team Catie will be in Harrisburg and Allentown.  Please go to www.givethankswalk.org and register to walk, make a donation, or pray that we have great weather.

St. James School in New Jersey held its third annual walk-a-thon for Catie’s Wishon June 14th.  Catie receieved her baptism in this parish and it was the grammar school where Christine and Kevin met.  The community has been wonderfully supportive for many years and the kids had a wonderful time walking for Catie.

St James students walking for Catie

Dear Catie’s Wish Family,

     We wanted to send you an update to let you know of some of the wonderful happenings in the time leading up to and centered around Catie’s birthday.  So many of you continue to respond in so many ways to Catie’s legacy wish to eradicate pediatric cancer through prayer and research and we are so very thankful.  Amazingly through the efforts of thousands, over 650,000 prayers were offered in the days and weeks leading up to Catie’s birthday bringing the total from the last two prayer campaigns to well over 1 million prayers.  God and Catie have received them all and I am sure that miracles are happening every day as a result.  The battle to save our children still continues, but we are closer than ever before to a world without pediatric cancer.  Christine and I will be joining the St. Jude family on June 23^rd in Memphis to celebrate the wonderful progress that has been made in the last 50 years since Danny Thomas opened the hospital and looking to the future and the work that still needs to be done.

     While we are there, we will be presenting St. Jude with a check in your name from the Catie’s Wish Foundation.  The check is a compilation of your support and a number of special events that have been held in the last few months.  The first was the “Shamrock Showdown” sponsored by our favorite pizza shop and its owners Jeannette and Rick. 

Shamrock Showdown Start

They organized and planned a wonderful 5k road race that drew over 350 participants on St. Patty’s Day weekend and it was a tremendous success and testament to their passion for Catie and kids battling cancer.  We were humbled by the generosity of the participants, the support of the volunteers, but most of all by the selflessness of Jeannette and her wonderful attitude.

Rick presenting the check

     We received an email from a gentleman who is the advancement director at a school in Vermont.  He had heard about Catie’s Wish while listening to the Gus Lloyd show and was so moved that he contacted every one of the Catholic Grammar schools and High Schools in the state of Vermont and inspired them to hold prayer and fundraising events.  Each of the schools participated with Dress-Down Days, bake sales, Rosary rallies and class prayers.  We are so very thankful for this wonderful example of someone catching the “Catie Bug” and responding.

     Closer to home, the Good Shepherd school held its fourth annual Dress Down Day for Catie’s Wish and Principal Graf and the students and faculty continued the tradition of blowing us away with their kindness and generosity.  Christine attended Mass and a presentation ceremony and thanked the students and the entire Good Shepherd community on behalf of the kids at St. Jude. 

Christine and Mr. Graf

  At St. Josephs’s school where the Fab 5 continue to thrive, the student service council held its first ever Dance-a-Thon – Charging for a Cure, and the results could not have been more spectacular.  The students rallied to the cause, opened piggy banks, sacrificed, and wheedled funds from their parents and then danced the afternoon and night away; all to benefit kids battling cancer.  The proceeds of the event supported Catie’s Wish and the Four Diamonds Fund that benefits patients at Hershey Medical center where Catie had her surgery.  We could not have been more pleased by the loving support of Mr. Cominsky and the entire St. Joe’s family.  Each of these events as well as the success of the annual fund-raising donations allowed us to continue to help “pay for a day” in Catie’s name.

     As for us and the Fab 5, we are all well.  Christine has been busy being Christine, taking care of all of us, sharing her faith with all she meets, volunteering at school and Girl Scouts, and being a visible symbol for Catie and God wherever she goes.  M.E. has graduated Kindergarten and is just full of joy.  Molly has finished second grade and received her First Holy Communion this year.  Mia has finished fourth grade and now that she has glasses she is an even better student!  Max will be in eighth grade next year yet people think he is sixteen based on the depth of his voice and his height.  All five of the kids are on the swim team and are getting ready for the meets that start next week.  Maggie graduated from eighth grade last night and we are so proud of who she continues to become.  She is a poised young lady with a heart of gold.  As we sat at graduation and watched as awards were given out to some of the outstanding students, the St. Patrick Award from the Ancient Order of Hibernians was announced as being given to the student who most exemplified the qualities of “friendship, unity, and Christian charity”, Margaret-Mary O’Brien.  Congratulations Maggie!

     We know how very blessed we are.  We have 5 healthy kids, a loving home, the prayerful support of so many.  In each of these blessings we see God’s hand, Catie’s intercession, and your care.  But we also see an opportunity and a responsibility.  In response to the blessings we continue to see in our daily lives, we will continue to honor the wish that Catie left for us until no child ever has to hear the words, “you have cancer”.

May God bless you and the work of your hands.

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

March 2012

 Dear Catie Team Member,

Catie and Mia at Graceland

      Another year has come and gone.  There are many days when the busyness and business of life and living make the photos on our walls seem more like wallpaper than the cherished memories that they are.  As April 23^rd approaches, we wanted to reach out to you and thank you for your continued prayerful support of Catie and her Wish.  Catie’s birthday this year will be her 11^th and the fourth birthday of Catie’s that we will celebrate without her.

    However, we will celebrate.  We will celebrate Catie, we will celebrate her wish to eradicate pediatric cancer through prayer and research, and we will celebrate all those who join us to make Catie’s Wish a reality.  We will remember Catie’s kids, those she met during treatment and who celebrate being four years cancer-free, those children and families who even now are battling the disease that claimed Catie.  We will remember those who choose to fight this battle daily in their role as medical professionals and researchers, and we will remember you.  For it is you who allow us to continue to fight, continue to strive to make a difference, and continue on even as we do so without our daughter.  You provide us with the prayers, gifts, and support that allow us to celebrate and remember; to look forward, and to hope.

      You are receiving this letter because you have embraced Catie in a special way.  Did you have the opportunity to meet Catie?  Did you like me fall in love with that wonderful smile and vow to do all that you could to keep it alive for all time?  Perhaps you know Catie only through her website, the stories of her life, and the pictures that chronicle her short existence here and her lasting impact.  Perhaps you know Catie because like me, you pray to her to help the children that still have a chance or for those to come that they may never know a battle with pediatric cancer.  However you know Catie, she knows you.  She is on your side as you go through your day.

      This past year has been an eventful one as we continue to honor Catie’s legacy wish.  It was important to Catie that we help those who helped her; that we remember her by remembering those who did so much to try to cure her.  We honored that wish with your help by not only continuing to “Pay for a Day” at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital, but by sending “Birthday” cards on Catie’s birthday to hundreds of doctors, nurses,researchers and staff members at St. Jude.  These cards were our way of personally thanking the people who devote themselves every day to the battle against pediatric cancer.  Many of the cards went to people who personally cared for Catie and now care for hundreds and thousands of others who are treated at St. Jude or receive the benefit of St. Jude’s research at hospitals across the country.  Celebrating April 23^rd and marking Catie’s birthday by thanking these individuals is a highlight of each year.  In addition to these cards, each patient under care at St. Jude on April 23^rd received a card as well, letting them know of the love, care, support, and prayers from people they do not know.  The cards were colored by hundreds of schoolchildren from schools across Pennsylvania and each one was special and unique.  We will continue this tradition this year as well.  Remembering the joy that showed on Catie’s face as she opened cards during her time at St. Jude, many of them from people receiving this letter, compels us to pass that joy along to Catie’s kids. 

Catie with Jesus

   Last year, we added a new feature to the website and formalized the prayer component of the mission that Catie left us.  By simply logging onto www.catieswish.org/praytoday your prayers that were offered for an end to pediatric cancer are added to the count.  In this way, people from around the world were able to join together in prayer.  Over 360 thousand prayers were offered in the six weeks leading up to Catie’s birthday.  The webpage is open again this year, and will remain open until April 23^rd by which time we hope to have logged over 1 million prayers.  If you cannot log your prayers onto the site, simply let us know how many prayers you offered by replying to this email and we will update the count from here.  Thank you for your prayers, they really do make all the difference in the world.

     I had the honor of coaching our school’s fourth and fifth grade girls’ basketball team this season.  Christine signed me up without my knowledge, and I am glad she did.  I had thought that the highlight of my time as coach was watching the players and the wonderful progress that they made and in particular watching Mia, our nine year old as she played organized basketball for the first time.  The girls learned so much and my pride as a dad was only eclipsed by my pride as a coach as our team took fourth place in the division exceeding all expectations.  On the night before our final game of the season, as I was kissing Molly, our seven year old goodnight, she asked me if Catie was still alive if this would be her team as well as Mia’s.  Until that moment, throughout a three month season filled with games and practices, I had not thought of that fact.  This team was Catie’s team, filled with her classmates, her sister, and her spirit.  While still alive, Catie was the best athlete in our family, and if things had been different and cancer had not taken her away, I am sure she would have been on our team, and would have made me proud as well.  I hope and pray that we made her proud in that final game and that we continue to receive her blessings as we continue the work we do in her name.

     One of the really exciting parts of honoring Catie through her foundation is to witness the efforts of so many as they come up with creative and sacrificial ways to support us.  Here are just a few examples from the past year that really touched our hearts.  One of Catie’s classmates and a treasured friend spent last summer walking dogs and taking on odd jobs.  She did it not for a video game, not for money to go out to the movies, but as an honor to Catie.  She explained it as her little way to help.  Others in Catie’s class held lemonade sales or accepted donations in lieu of birthday gifts, sacrificing their time and their presents for a cause they believe in and for a girl they know and honor.  One boy in South Carolina who had never met Catie, but who heard her story not only offered his birthday money to Catie’s Wish, but rallied the parents of his friends to the cause. 

     Seven women from Mechanicsburg really stepped up and formed a team to run in the St. Jude Half Marathon in Memphis, TN.  In a beautiful tribute to Catie, mothers of Catie’s first grade classmates and Brownies and others they invited incurred the expense of traveling to Memphis,

The Memphis 7 at Graceland

(not to mention the actual running), and honored our daughter in this special way.  They were able to go to some of Catie’s favorite places in Memphis and two of them even toured some of the hospital and walked in the footsteps that Catie left for them.  What a beautiful tribute, we are eternally grateful. 

      These are just a sampling of the wonderful efforts of so many from throughout the country and around the world.  Some of these people knew Catie, some were her classmates, others know only her story.  What they have in common is a desire and a willingness to share in Catie’s legacy and offer what they can.

      In many ways, they are very much like you.  They have responded, as you have.  You and they have decided to support Catie and her wish, and we are touched and grateful for that choice.  We ask you again this year to make that choice.  Please prayerfully consider a donation to Catie’s Wish so that we can continue the work that Catie left us.  We thank you in advance for your prayers and your prayerful support.  Please know that you are in our prayers as well.

 God is good, all the time,

 Christine and Kevin O’Brien

The first annual Shamrock Showdown was a tremendous success thanks to the wonderful efforts of so many but mostly Jeannette Magaro.  Jeannette did an amazing job, supported by her husband Rick, of organizing support and making the event the extraordinary event that it was.  Catie supplied the great weather.  Runners, walkers and volunteers all had a great time and over $6k was raised for the Catie’s Wish Foundation.  Great job everyone, we will see you all next year!

Runners at the start

Jeannette getting everyone ready!Rick presenting the check

Shamrock Showdown

5k run/walk at the Rossmoyne Business Park

March 17, 2012

To register, contact Jeannette at Nikoli’s Pizza and Catering <miasnikolis@yahoo.com>

Catie Team,

Just a quick hello to thank you for your continued support and to let you know about a couple of items of interest.

First, if you are available, come join us for a “Shamrock Showdown” on Saturday March 17th at the Rossmoyne Business Park.  It is a 5K run/walk for all age groups and will be a great way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.  For more information or to register for the event, please contact Jeannette Magaro, our wonderful neighbor who has organized the event at miasnikolis@yahoo.com, or at www.facebook.com/#!/NikolisPizza.  All proceeds to benefit Catie’s Wish.

Second, we have again opened the prayer page on the website.  The link is www.catieswish.org/praytoday and we have many early commitments of prayers from across the country and around the world, from families, religious sisters and brothers, schools, and individuals.  We have almost 70 days to exceed our total of 363,000 prayers from last year and reach 1 million prayers this year to end pediatric cancer.  Please visit the page each day and simply click on the refresh button to log each of your prayers.  Thank you, on behalf of Catie, and on behalf of the kids that she loves and protects.

May God bless you and the work of your hands!

God is Good, all the time.

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

If we were to write a letter summing up all of 2011 it would take pages – even if Kevin were the author.  The year was packed.  It was packed with all of us together to ring in 2011 and again we were happily together to close the year.  Now it is January and Christmas, New Year’s and the Epiphany have all been celebrated.  Yesterday our Christmas tree came down and most of the Christmas decorations were packed away.  There are two living poinsettias remaining, the photos of Christmases past still sitting on the mantle and the Christmas books are still on the shelves.

New Year's Eve 2011 in NYC

Many people experience the winter blahs as the excitement and busyness of Christmas and the holidays passes.  January is the time when life returns to “normal”.  This time of year in the Catholic Church is even called “Ordinary Time”.  Here within our home it is anything but ordinary time and life has not returned to normal at this point in January.  Each day as we approach January 25^th we wait, we hope, we feel many things and few of them are ordinary.  Thankfully many of our moments are extraordinary and we are grateful.  There are other moments that are less than wonderful and joyous.  Is that true, or is it our perspective at the moment?

January 25^th is just a date on a calendar.  Reading it causes me to pause and pray.  Hearing it spoken aloud by someone however, can shake me to my core.   The other day I was in school filing papers and I heard a teacher in another classroom inform her students that the assignment they were discussing would be due on January 25^th.  Immediately I had to wipe a tear from my eye and I also had to resist the urge to run into the room and make sure that no O’Brien was in the class.  One of the children recently told me that they become so sad when they hear the date mentioned.

Looking back is still difficult.  The many memories of January 24^th, 2009 seem so vivid.  I recall the hospice nurse telling me it would only be a few hours.  I remember wondering, how could that be?  How could it be that Catie’s life could literally be over in a few hours?  How was it possible and why was there nothing that I could do to stop it?  Where was the miracle that I had believed in and was still praying for?  I recall questioning myself; what more could I give to Catie that I would want her to stay here rather than go to heaven?  Did I truly believe that God knew best and that He was offering Catie complete healing IF she would let go of this life and be born to Eternal Life?  Did I truly believe? Yes.  I did then and I do now. 

But for me I would have wished things would have been different.  Yes, I long to see Catie, to hear her sing again and call Kevin on her cell phone.  To watch her dance and grow and become the person that I dreamed of her becoming – but what about what God wished for Catie?  Is my wish more important? I have another wish too.  I wish that I did not have to feel the pain that I feel or witness the pain and struggle in Kevin or the Fab 5.  Putting away Christmas stockings should not bring you to tears.  Setting up your dresser with teddy bears should not cause pain – but it does for some of us.  Why?

Is it that we miss Catie so much?  Is it that we still have not accepted that this is God’s plan for us?  Is it that we are still mourning?  There are days that I do not know the answer.  I do not have the energy or time or desire to even think about it.  I have come to realize that those days I am pretty far from letting God into my life.  God is always there but do I actively allow God to be present with me each and every day?  No, I don’t.  There are days when I want what I want and on each of those days I am like a spoiled child crying and yelling because I didn’t get my way.  I wanted the miracle.  I wanted God to want Catie here with us not in heaven with Him.  Each time I think this way I am blocking all the blessings that God has for me that day.  God is still real and present in those days – but I am not ready or willing to accept God or His love and those are the days I need God and His love the most.

There is a series of photos taken by me that help me to understand why I would wish things were different.  This series of photos is of Kevin and the Fab 5 on the beach in September 2008.  Catie and I were home for a break between treatments.  We went to the beach – Catie loves the beach.   (Even now I still speak of Catie in the present.)  Catie was too tired to enjoy the beach.  As she was sleeping we played in the sand and relaxed together. 

Fab 5 on the day after Christmas at the beach

Actually I took hundreds of photos of Kevin playing, hugging, and loving the Fab 5.  When Catie and I returned to St. Jude five of these photos were placed in frames in our Target House apartment. 

Each time I looked at them I knew that Kevin and the kids were fine.  I knew that they were OK without us.  They were happy and they would thrive.  They sort of have a pact that no one discusses with me what happened “when mom was away” .  Every once in a while a story will begin and someone else will end it before all the details are told.  I will never know what happened and I don’t need to but I do need to realize that life did happen – both good and bad things happened and they all survived.  I also need to accept that all of them are glad that I am back and they all miss Catie.  Now for the tough part – I am still struggling with accepting that.

When Catie was sick I knew my purpose and my goal.  Follow the guidelines set forth by St. Jude and pray for a cure.  Between God and St. Jude everything would be fine.  Catie’s cancer would be, in time, a minor difficulty that we faced as a family and in the future just a memory.  THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!  Instead I left my family.  I left behind my husband who I love more than I love myself.  I left behind two little girls in diapers and three other young kids and I went to St. Jude fully believing it was the only way to save Catie.  IT DID NOT WORK!

When I was caring for Catie my life had purpose and direction.  It was clear cut.  I saw no gray, only black and white.  Do this, Catie lives.  Do the other and you are taking a chance.  I did all the “right” things.  Catie still died.  She understood this when we were at St. Jude and she understood this when we came home.  She even understood the crazy St. Jude schedule and helped me through that.  She was seven.  She has been in heaven for almost three years and I still don’t get it.  I get it for Catie.  I don’t get it for me.  There is nothing I could offer Catie that is better than heaven.  But what about me?  Why am I surrounded with all of this pain and sadness?  I did all the “right” things and not only did I leave my family to save one of them, now I have to comfort the others because it didn’t work.  Life is all gray now and I am struggling. 

When I pray I am given moments and thoughts that provide me comfort and hope.  Isn’t it just like God to always hear and answer us?  Today the date January 25^th causes pain and sorrow but who knows, someday it may not.  Someday it may be the birthday of a future grandchild.  The last book that Catie wanted before she was ever sick is entitled Someday.  It is touching book about a mother and a daughter.  It is very similar to the book I Will Love You Forever.  Catie loved this book and read it over and over and would also ask me to read it to her.  Each time I did I would cry.  Now I realize that someday my tears will stop. 

Each day that I choose to think only about me and not about others is a bad day.  It is also almost always a sad day and it is usually a day filled with pain.  When I act this way I cause pain for others too.  God, help me to allow you to love me and to turn to you when something is wrong.  God, help me to rely on you and only you.  God, help me to trust in you more.  God, help me to love you through those that you have put in my life.  God, help me to be the person that you created me to be.  God, give me strength and peace.  Catie, thank you for your example and trust in God.

When Catie was at St. Jude Kevin had a t-shirt made for those that were following Catie and her story.  It read “The only limit to God’s ability to work in one’s life is their level of TRUST.”  Catie fully trusted in God.  Many people have told us that Catie learned this from us.  Maybe she did.  I feel as though my trust in God needs to grow so much to be like Catie’s level of trust.  I am probably looking at this from the wrong perspective.   What I probably need to do is surrender everything to God like my seven year old and know that this is the only black and white choice that exists.  Trust God with my life and live or don’t.  Life is really that simple.

Some of us are comforted by seeing Catie’s stocking hanging with the rest.  For other’s it hurts.  Some of us are comforted by seeing Catie’s little sisters wear Catie’s clothes.  Others are not.  It usually delights me to see those “special clothes” worn and not just sitting in a box.  This year Molly has grown out of most of the clothes that were Catie’s.  M.E. asked to try on a favorite sweatshirt.  Never thinking that it would fit (M.E. is only 5.) it was tried on and oh how it hurt to think that Catie was that little.  How could she be?  The only way that Catie could have been that small and young is because that was God’s plan for Catie.

All of us at Niagara Falls. Molly in Catie's clothes.

We will never know who or how many people were touched by Catie.  We will never know how many kids were comforted by Catie.  We will never know if miracles were granted because Catie went to Jesus with a request.  We will never know unless we – each of us – make it to heaven.  Won’t you join me in trusting all of your life to God?

Please join us in prayer this January 25^th for the end of all cancers, an increase in prayer and trust and for another million prayers to be prayed before April 23^rd.  Please join us at www.catieswish.org/praytoday and log your prayers.  Remember to hit the refresh button on your browser for as many prayers as you have offered.  If you are praying with a group, remember to log all of the prayers, they all count, and the one you say may be the one that makes the difference in the life of one of Catie’s kids.  Thank you.

God is good, all the time,

Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie

Catie Team,

      Thank you for continuing to journey with us as we follow the path that God has chosen for us.  Thank you also for your prayers for us from the last update as we traveled to St. Jude.  Remembrance Day 2011 was a wonderful experience, and we are sure that your prayers helped to make it as special as it was.  Christine specifically asked you to remember Max so that he would emerge joy filled from the weekend in Memphis, and based on his smile in this picture; your prayers and ours were answered.

Max and Matthewfilled with joy

      Remembrance Weekend at St. Jude is a special opportunity for families who have lost a child to cancer to come together, share their common experiences, reconnect with friends made at St. Jude, and honor those special children who have left us far too early.  We arrived in Memphis Friday morning after spending the night in Nashville.  As we wound our way around the cloverleaf approaching the hospital, the different reactions of the 7 of us at seeing the all too familiar logo and the words St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital was very interesting.  Mia, Molly, and M.E. squealed in excitement.  Max and Maggie were quiet but had smiles on their faces.  Christine had a look that said both, “home again” and “why was this ever home?”  I just tried to concentrate on driving the last mile of our 900 mile odyssey.  While we each reacted differently, the reaction we all shared was the realization that Catie was not physically with us as we approached the hospital, and that was both good, and bad.

      Once we arrived and passed through the security gate by giving the guard Catie’s name, (ouch), we headed off to the gift shop with our list and while there, we met Belle and her mom.  M.E. and Belle became fast friends and played together while the moms talked about radiation treatments, chemo, schedules and tests.  Belle is one of Catie’s Kids now, and each night, M.E. says a special prayer for her new friend with the same hairstyle that her big sister Catie had.  Purchases completed, we next moved over to the Pavilion where the first events of the weekend were being set up.  The Danny Thomas Pavilion is a shrine to the history of St. Jude and the prayerful response of Danny Thomas and those that he inspired to assist him in creating the hospital.  Catie loved the Pavilion and what it represents, and I am sure that she and Danny were present with us as we began to decorate Catie’s board.  Each family is given a bulletin board to decorate with pictures, artwork, mementos, etc. of their child.  By the middle of Friday afternoon, some 30 boards filled the Pavilion with tributes that were both inspiring and bittersweet. 

Luminaries created by the Fab 5

      After setting up the board, Christine and I went over to the blood bank and donated blood for Catie’s Kids and then spent the afternoon in the Pavilion standing by Catie’s board and talking with Catie’s doctors, nurses, schedulers, chaplains; in short, all of the people who had done their best for her and Christine while they were at St. Jude.  To hear again the impact that Catie had and continues to have on these people was an absolute honor.  To hear from them about the difference Catie continues to make through the efforts of so many with the cards that are sent each year on Catie’s birthday and the ongoing prayers of all of you was beautiful.  Thank you for helping us to make a difference in Catie’s name!

      When we were done in the Pavilion, we checked into the hotel and went out for pizza with the Witsoes.  Their son Sean is in heaven with Catie.  The Fab 5 and the Witsoe’s Fantastic 4 had a great time sharing stories, getting to know each other and chowing down on great pizza.  We then headed back to the hotel and had a reception with many of the families, some of whom were back at St. Jude for the first time since their child’s death, and some who had been back many times in the years since their child passed.  The Fab 5 were terrific, and I was so proud of them.  They walked into the room and with the help of the Witsoe children, started a game, and then corralled every other kid in the room and involved them.  With no prompting from us, they had every kid in the room laughing and having fun which allowed the parents to relax and spend time catching up or meeting the other parents in attendance.  It was such a difference from last year when the atmosphere in the room was so low.  The kids stepped up and I am sure that their actions helped many of the families.

      The next morning after Mass, we headed back to the hospital for Remembrance Day.  The plan was to have Mia, Molly, and M.E. hang out with other siblings their age and take part in the planned activities while Maggie and Max did some homework.  Maggie and Max had asked to not participate in the sibling events because the experience last year had been so painful for them.  We allowed them to come up with an alternative.  As Christine and I were ready to go into our morning conference, Max and Maggie called us and asked if they could change their minds and be part of the sibling activities.  Their actions from the night before had allowed them to connect to some of the other kids their age and they wanted to be a part of what was going on.  I was so happy for both of them.  They had not wanted to come on this weekend but knew how important it was to represent Catie and to be there for their mom.  Again, the prayers you offered were answered with this wonderful blessing for Maggie and Max, thank you.

      The morning session was very good, and the panel of parents did a good job of sharing their stories, their grief, their struggles, and their victories in a way that allowed the parents in the audience to relate and feel “normal.”  When we reconnected with the kids for lunch and saw their happy faces, we knew that the decision to come was absolutely the right one!! 

Christine and the Fab 5 launching balloons

After lunch, we gathered for a prayer service for Catie and the other kids and then went back outside for a balloon launch.  After a bunch of hugs and some more tears, the official part of the weekend was over.

Carrying our prayers skyward

      Switching gears quickly, we headed to Germantown and stopped on the way at Miss Mary’s house.  If you remember, Miss Mary was one of Catie’s favorites.  Miss Mary’s cookies were all that Catie would eat on some of the days after chemo.  She is a wonderful friend and we were thrilled to be able to have a cupcake party with her and catch up.   From there we went to visit the Rheas.  Katie Rhea was Catie’s Memphis friend and the Rheas have been a wonderful blessing to us while Catie was in treatment and in the time since.  We then returned to the hotel and stayed up ‘til the wee hours with the Witsoes.  Bright and early the next morning, we left for home, stopped for mass in Lebanon, TN, and arrived home just after 1 AM Monday morning.  We spent Monday recuperating and winding down, and the kids went back to school Tuesday.  While they were at school, Christine and I went to Allentown to see Candee and represent Catie’s Wish at a Care Fair. 

Catie and Miss Mary

Candee continues to be such a wonderful ambassador for Catie and we are truly blessed by her and her passion!  We also taped an interview for a radio spot about the upcoming Give Thanks, Walk, (see details below). 

      All in all, the 2011 Remembrance weekend was a true blessing for our family.  I hope and pray that we were a blessing for others in their journey.  Thank you all for your prayers, you continue to be a true blessing to us.

      As a reminder, please join us at the Give Thanks, Walk to benefit St. Jude and Catie’s Kids on Saturday, November 19^th.  The Fab 5, Christine, and myself will be at the Harrisburg event, and Catie’s Teams have been formed for the Allentown walk as well.  If those two locations do not work for you, there are 80 walks being held this year!!  Register for the event by clicking on the following link, www.givethankswalk.org

 Thank you your ongoing love, support, and prayers.  Together, we will eradicate pediatric cancer and make Catie’s Wish come true.  Hope to see you again on this side of heaven.

 God is good, all the time.

 Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Mia, Molly, M.E., and always Catie