God is Blind
Communication between people involves words – not assumptions. There is non-verbal and verbal communications. My daughters communicate so much through their faces. M.E. erupts with smiles when you walk into a room. Today we have many vehicles to aid our communications -phones and cell phones and blackberries, fax machines, e-mails, instant messaging; even Skype. (Joe, are you impressed that I know that much?) Nothing is a substitute for taking the time to sit down and chat. There is nothing like a visit with a dear friend. I have felt that these past few weeks and it has been wonderful – I will treasure many of our visits. That is how important communication works best. That is also how important prayer is. We need to make the time to sit down and visit with God. We need to do this everyday. Some days we need it more than others. We can’t assume that God can see all we are going through. We can’t or shouldn’t assume that God knows that we don’t have any “time” – but is still working toward our desired outcome just as we are busily doing the same thing. That is not how prayer works.
I always look at prayer like this, if Mother Theresa, in her life, took the time before each day began – taking care of the poorest of poor – to pray to God, is anything I am doing as important? Not that I should compare my life’s circumstances with another persons but rather look at what this person I so admire values most in her day. Prayer and the time to pray always began and ended Mother Theresa’s day. If Pope John Paul II took time to pray the entire Rosary before going to bed one night after a World Youth event, can I make that time – I am not 80, I don’t have Parkinson’s Disease, I am not the spiritual father to millions, I don’t run a daily schedule that began that day at 5am and on this particular night ended just before 2am. Pope John Paul II had already been to Mass- he said it. He had already been to Eucharist Adoration. He took – he made – he gave even more of himself to God in prayer.
I grew up with wonderful parents. They still are wonderful. My mother always said the more we give to others the more we find that we have gotten back ourselves – or something like that. Work is God’s love made visible – as a Mary and Martha duel so do the Mary-isms and Martha-isms within me. But the fact remains that giving doesn’t empty us. It may empty us of us; leaving even more room for God to dwell within us. That is what prayer gives to us too. Making time to pray, especially in this world, of too much to do and not enough time to do everything, gives us the perspective to understand which of the items on our TO DO LIST are truly necessary.
Why all this talk about prayer? Well, I am running out of time. Or at least that is how it feels from time to time. I have these five precious children that I am leaving behind, the home that we have created for our family and the love of my life; all whom I am leaving in less than four days. I am leaving them all for an undefined amount of time. How do you pack for that? How do you plan for that? How do you explain what you think should be done while you are gone? Well, last night I chose the worst way. I yelled and screamed at Kevin. I told him that he didn’t understand what I was going through because he is not leaving. I cried making him feel even more helpless. Every question that I posed while true doesn’t even take into consideration Catie.
Kevin and I both have to make whatever preparation we think best to take care of everyone. We both have a sick child. What about what Catie has to prepare herself for as she returns to St. Jude’s? See that is the thing – I don’t know what Catie is going through because she won’t communicate. She sleeps most of the time and when she is awake she is so tired that it might be better if she were asleep. I am so concerned that I sent an e-mail to her doctors at St. Jude’s. Her radiation oncologist promptly replied and his reply scared me to death. His response scared Kevin too. I cried and prayed and called Kevin. Kevin, before I called him, simply called the doctor. What is the bottomline? The results of the spinal tap/LP that is performed on Tuesday is the key. STOP EVERYTHING and PRAY.
When St. Jude’s told us we were going home for a four week break. I was thrilled. Then St. Jude’s told us we had to be back on the 25th of September. I informed them that this was only 3 1/2 weeks. They allowed us to have the weekend. If St. Jude’s had told me that Catie would be like she is – barely eating, always sleeping, not enjoying everyone or anything – I would not have pushed for the final weekend. But I did, now what do I do? Pray. Ask all of you to join me. Accept that Catie will never forget her homecoming and all the fun play dates and visitors that she had. Find peace and keep praying. Is it possible the Catie’s disease has progressed during the time that she is home? Anything is possible. But more importantly, nothing is impossible for GOD.
This is our final weekend home. Kevin and I are planning on going on a date tonight. Back to the movies – not to see a musical. We may have to do the grocery shopping if I don’t fit that in today. As long as we are together does it matter what we are doing? Not any more. Being together is the gift. On Saturday we will finish up any last minute things that are needed at the house and in the afternoon we will drive to our home town. Did you know that Kevin and I grew up together and met at St. James School in Basking Ridge in Mrs. Ross’ fifth grade class? Saturday night several friends, neighbors and family members have organized a fund raiser for Catie. We will be there. We will return to Mechanicsburg Saturday night and on Sunday we will go to Mass and Catie will receive the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick (this is a healing sacrament in the Catholic church). We will pack, pray together and go to bed. Monday morning we will get up take the kids to the bus stop and go to the airport. Just like that our four weeks will be over.
The memories will stay with us. You prayers will stay with God. The future is not known. The present is all we have. Please take some of your busy-ness out of your day and make time to visit with God. He can read our minds but I am certain that He prefers our visits. Why? Because I believe that I was created in His image and likeness and I prefer your visits too.
Thank you for joining us as we pray to do God’s will each day,
Thank you for praying to God that He cures our darling,
Christine, Kevin, Maggie, Max, Catie, Mia, Molly and M.E.
